Over the last two years I have become a master at MySpace dating. The stories I now possess could literally fill a book (message me and I’ll tell you one). And now I’ve decided to share my expertise with the world.
But before we get started, allow me to make a couple excuses disclaimers regarding my process. First of all, since I am a man (an extremely handsome, witty, charming and currently single man… ladies…), most everything I’ve written here is directed towards a male audience. My sincere apologies to all my female readers, but do not stop reading and move on to an article about the basics of sewing with a sewing machine, for all hope is not lost. Just because everything here is told from a male’s point of view, doesn’t mean that you can’t get something out of it. But let’s face it, you ladies have it easy. For every one of you there are ten lonely guys desperate for companionship. And while we’re being honest, let me let you in on a little secret, if you ladies really want to get laid find your soul mate, all you really need to do is show up to a place, any place, where there’re guys. Because where there’re guys, there’re guys looking for sex love, and no matter how ugly/annoying/bitchy/fat/unappealing you are, there’s always at least one guy who’s desperate enough to fuck love you in return.
Also, as everyone knows, meeting someone on the internet can be potentially dangerous and blah, blah, blah… whatever… What’s the fun if there’s no risk involved? It’s called living! Maybe you should try it sometime! PUSSY!
Furthermore, you will notice that I exclusively use MySpace. There are several reasons for this.
1. It has the most convenient browsing tool (in my opinion)
2. It is by far one of the largest online communities
3. Based on my limited computer knowledge, has profiles that are easiest to customize and allows for more creative control over what you decide to reveal about yourself.
If anyone knows of any other social networking sites besides Friendster, Xanga, or Facebook that you believe to be superior to MySpace in these three fields, then shoot me a message and I’ll check it out. Thanks in advance.
With that said, let’s move on to STEP 1: Creating a Good Profile
The key to creating a good profile for picking up chicks is making your profile INTERESTING. In other words, don’t be boring! For example, your about me section should NOT look something like this…
“uhh my name is brian. I like sports, getting drunk and hangin wit my friends lol. ”
Lame! Boring! Don’t pigeon hole yourself into some cliché stigma where you come off as a dumbass. At least hint that you possess some sort of intelligence, even if you don’t. But be careful, because if you overdo it on the intellect, you can easily come off as condescending, which can be just as bad. Usually the most effective way to avoid appearing boring is to accentuate an odd hobby you enjoy or a unique passion that you have. For example, let’s say you secretly enjoy knitting. Not only that, but you’re really good at it. Be sure to include that somewhere on your profile. Sure, some guys might think it’s “totally gay,” but it’s interesting nonetheless. The point is… Interesting draws attention, attention leads to fascination, fascination leads to conversation, conversation leads to a meeting, and a meeting potentially leads to sex a relationship. The more interesting stuff about you that you put on your profile the better, but it’s always good to add a touch of mystery as well, so save a few personal tidbits for conversation pieces that you may need later on down the road.
Also, as much as we men hate to admit it, women aren’t stupid, and many of them automatically assume that you’re only after one thing, that thing being fornication of course, and even if it’s true, you want to avoid this notion at all costs, and while most of the convincing will occur during the conversation stage, putting things like pictures of scantily clad models/celebrities in your background, or pictures of you and lots of other girls at parties in your photo albums, or anything that could possibly imply that you are a womanizer of any degree on your profile is strongly advised against. Also, don’t load up your profile with 20 YouTube videos. This causes your page to take FOREVER to load which is really annoying. One or two is always cool (videos are often a good way to express personal interest in a more entertaining way), just don’t overdo it.
Additionally, and I cannot stress this enough, above all else, while you want to make sure your profile represents you in an honest and interesting way, make sure that it also represents you as someone that is friendly and approachable. DO NOT litter your page with things that say stuff like “FUCK KITTENS!” or “I HATE MINORITIES!” because trust me, no women is going to want to talk to a racist, cat rapist.
Step 2: “Browsing for Bitches”
This step tends to take the longest, is the most unpredictable, and can be done in numerous different ways. The most obvious route to take is to simply browse users using MySpace’s “Browse People” feature. In my experience, this feature has proved to be the most successful, as well as the most practical. The reason I say it’s the most practical, is not only because it’s a digital catalogue of women, but also because it allows you to set the browsing criteria to be as vague or specific as you please. Now, if you know exactly what you want and you are willing to settle for nothing less than your ideal women, then narrow down the contestants as much as possible and cut down on the search time. However, this can prove to be disadvantageous due to one major flaw. Let’s say that it’s extremely important to you that the girl is a non-smoker, therefore you select “no” under the smoking option, and as a result all girls who state on their profile that they do not smoke will be listed. But here’s where the problem comes into effect, the results will only show girls that specifically state that they do not smoke. If the girl of your dreams has chosen to leave that section on her profile blank, then her profile will not appear in the results of your browse criteria, which will in turn hide many potential, non-smoking soul mates.
In my experience, I’ve learned that when using this browsing method, it’s best to keep it simple, and allow the tool to give you more options (I also suggest that you keep an open mind). Out of the sixteen possible categories to customize, I only fill out five. Those categories are:
3. Relationship Status
5. Show only users that have photos
Gender, Age and Location are self-explanatory. All of those fields are required to create a profile, so those you can always use, and showing only users with photos will filter out those who have yet to upload any. Relationship Status is much like the smoking option and can be left blank, however, if you decide to leave the Relationship Status blank on the search criteria, keep in mind that since, unlike Gender, Age, and Location, the Relationship Status is not presented on the lists of results, and the only way to check it, assuming they haven’t left it blank, would be to view their profile, which can make your search extremely tedious. So I advise otherwise. Another important category is Sexual Orientation, but I leave this category blank because, like Gender, Age, and Location, the Sexual Orientation is presented on the lists of results. Even if they choose to leave it blank, you don’t have to view their profile find out, therefore it only adds a small amount of extra time to your browsing.
Another way of browsing is by using other people’s friends list. This method isn’t too far off from the previous one, only you can’t choose the browsing criteria (although you can choose different groups within the friends list to browse through. Such as new friends and general age groups), and it usually serves as a small selection.
You can also browse students of different high schools and colleges, but I advise against this, because using MySpace as a digital catalogue for women is, you know, creepy enough.
There are several other methods that could be used, but I rarely had to go outside of the first one, so if none of these work for you, then you’re doing something wrong.
With that said, there are two major things to be weary of when browsing:
1. F.G.A.S. (Fat Girl Angle Shots) – you know what I’m talking about, fat girls who take pictures from obscure angles that hide how fat they are. These can be extremely dangerous and should be taken very seriously, especially since many girls entire photo collection consists of nothing but F.G.A.S. While there is no sure fire defense, there are precautions you can take to prevent from being deceived. It’s difficult for fat girls to hide their arms if they are taking the picture themselves, so pay close attention to the width of their arm, if it seems disproportional, she’s probably fat. Also, if she has a photo album of Tagged photos, be sure to look at them. Often times, though not always, these photos are taking by people other than the person whose profile you are viewing, and as a result tend to be less flattering. Furthermore, if her default picture is of something other than herself, then she’s a fatty. Don’t even test it if you’re unsure, it’s science.
2. LIARS – Self-explanatory. Never leave out the possibility that she’s lying. Remember, picking up chicks over the internet is a dangerous game, and she could always end up being a dude.
Once you’ve found the right profile, there are two things you can do. You can either send her a friend request then try starting a conversation upon acceptance of said friend request, or you could just skip the friend request and head right into the conversation. I usually send a friend request first, but that’s just what I prefer. Neither choice really makes a difference, so it’s up to you, however, if you send the friend request and wait to be accepted before you send any messages, occasionally she will be interested enough in the stranger that sent them the request and start the conversation for you. This, depending on your nerves, can make things a lot easier.
Step 3: Starting a Conversation
This step is probably the most difficult. You don’t want to seem too eager, yet you don’t want to wait too long. It’s usually best not to waste any time and send her a message as soon as possible by saying something harmless, like “Hi new friend. Nice to meet you.” Or you could find something that you found interesting on their profile and ask them about it, more often than not, they’re happy to talk about something that they’re passionate about.
When engaged in the conversation there is two main objectives to keep in mind. First of all, you need to keep the conversation going. Every time you send her a message, ask her a question, this way she will always have something to say. Secondly, DO NOT rush anything. As I mentioned earlier, the last thing you want is for her to think that you’re only trying to get into her pants. Don’t try to hit on her, just be friendly and patient. The goal for now is to obtain a phone number, the rest comes later. Once you feel comfortable enough to ask for her number, and assuming she gives it to you, it’s time to set up a meeting.
Step 4: Meeting
I’m not going to get into very many details here. There are plenty of dating tips that you can find online that can apply the first in-person encounter. I do however, have a few tips:
1. Provide your own transportation. If you haven’t met her in person yet, then you still don’t know what you’ve gotten yourself into, so you need to make sure that you have an escape plan.
2. Group dates are usually good first dates when it comes to internet-spawned dating, it tends to take away some of the awkwardness.
And there you have it. That’s my process of picking up chicks via MySpace. And as I said, if you’d like to hear about some of my personal experiences just send me a message (I have a lot of them).